Guard dog

I am as unyielding as I am flexible, and as closed-off as I am helpful.

You might think those two things cannot work i concert with each other, but I contend they MUST work together.

When you are helpful, people think you will ALWAYS help…until you have a nervous breakdown.

When you are flexible, people will think you will bend over backwards for them…until you snap.

I will admit, if you come at me wrong, I will snap your head off without another thought about it.

Most people come correct, and they might even call the other people crazy for thinking I bit their heads off.

But they aren’t crazy. I am both.

If I detect even a hint of disrespect or negativity…my brain short circuits. Some people can bite their tongue. Respectable society says to bite your tongue, but I refuse.

I will go out of my way to help you. I will back your projects. I will donate to your causes. I will cheer you on. I will help you succeed in every way I can, especially if you’ve made an exceptional project.

I have taken people under my wing for years and given thousands of hours of my time for free to people because I want to foster a positive creative community. It is my duty to lift people up.

However, I will put my foot down if you step an inch over a line that I don’t allow people to cross. I will never let you interact with me in a way I don’t like without telling you about it.

It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t want to be around you. It’s just at that moment, you crossed an invisible line even you didn’t see, but I can’t let it stand.

It’s not the best part of my personality, but it is the guard dog part of me that says “you can’t let people talk to you like that” or “you can’t let somebody ask that of you”.

Why?

Because I know that things spiral.

I know when somebody is trying to trap me. I know when somebody is going to ask too much.

I know that when people ask specific questions they gut me. I know that when they ask certain things of me, I have no choice but to say yes, even if THEY don’t think I have to say yes.

Your intention is one thing, but if I’m asked something, I HAVE to say yes…unless I have boundaries. You don’t know that about me, but I know it about me, and I can see five moves ahead on the chess board because I’ve been through it a thousand times before.

And I am especially wary when I haven’t worked with you before, because I don’t know how you operate, and I don’t know what you mean when you say something.

Once I know you, and you’ve been vetted, I know what you mean and what you say. I’m also much more willing to let you step over a line, because I know you know the line, and I’ve set up boundaries with you.

I am approachable, but you need to approach correctly.

It’s like my dogs.

They will let me let me pet their bellies. They will let me pick them up, even if they don’t like it. However, if somebody new comes up to them…they might snap…because they don’t know if you know their boundaries.

Most people have no boundaries, so when I do, I come hard and show that you crossed the line.

Every time.

Otherwise, people don’t learn.

It’s how I have a great reputation with half of comic creators and a terrible one with the other half.

Half of them came correctly, and I was the most supportive human in the whole world.

Half of them came incorrect, and I bit their heads off. Since nobody had ever done it to them before or since, I was the bad guy.

I don’t care if you agree with me, but you will respect me, or at least come at me correctly.

Most every problem I’ve ever had is from allowing somebody to come at me wrong and ignoring it, or having me put up with it until I felt terrible…so I don’t put up with it any more.

Which often makes me come across as a bad guy for snapping at somebody in a comment, or on social media, or on a conference call.

That’s okay.

I’m okay being the bad guy because it scared them off, or taught them how to come correct the next time.

Since I have so little connection with most people, every interaction is as important as it is ephemeral, which means if you cross a line, I need to tell you THEN and THERE, or you’ll never learn how to interact with me properly, or if you even do want to interact with me.

I guard my time preciously, and am EXTREMELY protective of it.
Maybe you aren’t a time vampire, but I have no idea if we haven’t worked together before, or spent a lot of time together.

I am even more dogged about respect. I give to to everyone…until they cross a line. Then, I am stern but fair, and then I let it go. I try to never be disrespectful, but I will not accept disrespect, either.

Because I am so helpful, people have for years come and asked me to do everything for them. They have drained everything from me more times than I can count.

Now, that rarely happens, because I will not let that stuff slide. Ever. Cuz the moment you let that stuff slide, it spirals.

I am reminded of Harlan Ellison.

Half the people thought he was a puppy dog. The other half thought he was rabid…and it usually came down to who came correct to him as to what you thought about him.

I’ve heard stories of Harlan sitting down and talking about writing with somebody he didn’t for hours and answering their every question.

And I’ve heard stories about how he reduced somebody to tears for even daring to ask. However, I would bet that it wasn’t because they asked…it was probably because of HOW and WHEN they asked.

People hate when you have boundaries. They hate it even worse when you defend those boundaries. They loath it when you are consistent about your boundaries, especially when they can’t seem to figure out how to come correct.

Lots of people make their living pushing boundaries and expecting that you’ll never push back, and then hate you when you do, especially if they’re just asking “a simple favor”.

They will call you an jerk. They will spread rumors about you. They will create group texts to talk about how much they hate you, and how you are a dick.

And sometimes they are right.

Sometimes I am just a dick. I don’t like those days. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I try to apologize when that happens. I’m working on it. I’m a work in progress.

Usually, though, I am defending a boundary that I’m not willing or able to let somebody cross without having every wall I’ve built up come crashing down.

I don’t like that half the people have a piss poor opinion of me, but I hate being used and treated poorly even more.

That often makes me the jerk in other people’s narratives, and that’s okay.