Thanks, and no

You are not obligated to say yes. Every yes is a new obligation, and it fractures you further and further until there is nothing left for you. FOMO is a powerful concept, and I know the desire to say yes to everything so you don’t piss people off or lose opportunities.

However, at some point, there is just no more of yourself to give. You have overextended every bit of yourself, and the more you give, the more people will take.

I work with a lot of people who want to say no because they are being crushed under their obligations, but don’t know how to say no.

I’ll tell you now, simpler is better. You are not obligated to tell somebody why you are saying no.

You can politely say “thanks, and no.”

Users will not like it because there’s nothing to manipulate in three words. They are not jerks for asking, but they are jerks for pressuring you after you said no.

Manipulators will keep trying to pressure you, and if they do then you were right to say no.

If they let it go and say “thanks for considering it”, then you made the right decision.

Your job is to stay underleveraged so that when something GREAT comes along that is a full-body “HECK YES” you have the time for it.

Do not justify your decision, or make it conditional, because then people will try to meet the conditions and coerce you into saying yes. If you tell somebody you can’t do it because of x or y reason, you have left it open for them to say “well, can we revisit it later?” or “So if one of those things cancels can I book you?”

That’s why a simple “thanks, and no”, is the best response.

If they come back and say “you really should do it because of x”, you can simply say “I appreciate that, and no.”

Don’t say “but no”, because “but” seems both negative and conditional.

A simple “Thanks, and no” should be all you need to say to somebody who respects your boundaries

If they don’t respect your boundaries, then they will try to weasel around anything else you say to guilt you into doing it, so don’t give them the chance.

It’s quite empowering to leave it at three words.